He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
