Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
