hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
