Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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