just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
