i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
