Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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