did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My feet surprised me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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