at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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