Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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