I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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