my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
