Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
