Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
