i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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