The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
