I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
