from now on my penis is your penis
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
