My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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