Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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