ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
