dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
