just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
