I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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