bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
