I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
