But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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