I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
