So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
