Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
