It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
