Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
