On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
