I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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