her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
