I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Semen is not good for contacts.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
