He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
