I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
