I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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