awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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