I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
