So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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