if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
