dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
