Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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