i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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