i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
