You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
