it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
