Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
