What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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