So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she pinky promised me she was 18
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
